Pictures are deceiving, just like love

Pictures are deceiving, just like love

thdeceivinglove

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My problem	[Nov. 6th, 2011\|10:14 pm]
Not guarding my heart and allowing it to be stolen when i know that he is not gonna treasure, much less reciprocate. And yes, thats me. All along i know i am someone like this, but i just could understand why is it that no matter how hard i try, it just not gonna work. People say it so easily : aiya just dont fall and gives so much when you;re unsure. and how would i know? feelings just come and i couldnt even control. & now, i see you feeling so depressed and sad over another girl whom i hope its me. but i know its impossible. guess its telling me not to have faith, not to keep my hopes and expectations high. its just gonna hurt. like it always do. To me, confession is humiliation. cos u are never gonna reply me after all these. I know you've someone in mind and why would i want to tell you. but somehow, deep in my heart, i wanna to let you know how i feel all this time. what kind of feeling you gave me when you looked me in the eyes. i just hope you would talk to me like im someone you trust. talk to me, tell me how are you. even if its telling me how sad u are that ur girl isnt replying you. its okay, im okay with that. just as long as you're there, you are talking to me. i feel that you are there, im fine with everything.... really. but im not gonna think bout it anymore. its fine. i gonna be okay. soon. i hope.
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zzz	[Oct. 23rd, 2011\|11:01 pm]
its killing me inside out. i understand why are you doing this but can you at least think of me? your words hurt me. your actions kill me. Sometimes i wish i could just go over and just asked you what the fuck is seriously wrong with you. but i chose not to not because im scared, but i want to keep this rs going. i dont want things to end this way. you know clearly how we were like in the past. and now, small things like these are ruining those moments. they are erasing away good and happy moments, replacing it with irritating moments which i wanna forget. i hope, you could just tell me straight what exactly did i do wrong that i deserve all these. Can you at least tell me so that i can say sorry and make amendments instead of silently killing me every now and then. which makes me feel like dying all the time. i love you, and i always do. its just not that kinda love and u know it.
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TP <3	[Apr. 22nd, 2011\|12:30 am]
Just finished TP orienation camp. SO FUN <3 anyway, since you will never know my livejournal, i shall post everything here. You were the one who said you need me. you were the one who said i love you in 8 different languages on phone in the middle of the night. You were the one who didnt want to say nights to me at night cos u didnt want me to go. You were the one who made alot of funny jokes and added colours to my life. You were the one who made me feel not so lonely during bridging. you were the one who smsed me first. you were the one who forced me to call u in the middle of the night. you were the one who made me feel like im so useless cos u are so damn talented. you were the one who made me believe that 5N students are smart and fun. You were the one who made me addicted to your own composed song. you were the one who sweet talk all the time. you were the one who made me feel insecure TOO. You were the one who made me fall... and now u are throwing me aside. i wanted to talk to u so badly but i have to act like nothing's wrong. though i partner someone during tp mass dance, but i was looking at you all the time... i saw that you didnt have a apartner i really feel like raising my hand and say : i also no partner. LOL but i think u wont even partner me... i willl make u talk to me again. i hope i succeed HAAHAHAH ANyway, u werent that great actually. LOL WHY DIDNT U TALK TO ME YOU SHIT ! I'VE ALREADY MADE THE FIRST MOVE. I DONT LIKE U LA ZZZ. DONT MAKE THINGS LOOK LIKE I NEED YOU MORE CAN. I HATE U !!!!! $*(&% LOL zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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(no subject)	[Apr. 14th, 2011\|09:15 am]
Its my birthday today ! Actually before the clock strikes 12 yesterday, i wasnt v elated nor looking forward. Some kinda misunderstandings happened and i was v v worried. But luckily he sent a message on 1159 when i thought he was not gonna reply.. i almost jumped. IMMA HAPPY GIRL ! and i remember i was smsing my friend yesterday night and i told her i was going to sleep at atound 11 plus and her message was like this : CANNOT YOU MUST STAY UP TILL 12 !!! then i thought maybe because she wanted to wish me the dot so i said i'll try. So i brushed my teeth and ALREADY ON THE BED!, my friends called and asked me to open my door.... I was totally shocked. and i know its cliche, but i really cant live without them.. ^^ THEY ARE V SWEET !!! they pasted pictures of me on the mounting board and decorated it into a v artistic piece. while im typing this, im actually looking at the board. Dom, did something special this year. he did his own card and seriously, it was very creative though hes not good in art. Hes a D&T student you see.. Cant blame him ^^ but i really dk what to say. too shocked ! hahahaha Anyway, i didnt know that there are people reading my livejournal ! i thought i was just talking to myself ! HAHA. Thanks for viewing though [: Remember i mentioned a few days ago i was going TP for bridging ? ya it was better than what i expected ! the people there are kinda friendly and i got to know 2 guys from my course and 2 guys from biomedical science. i am sure my 3 years of poly life will be fun,with my new friends and with my own clique ! Friends are there for you when you need them. I love them not because they surprised me in the middle of the night but the effort put in to actually come tgt and design a card for me and give it to me once its 12. i love them not because they are fun but they make me happy all the time. theres always laughter when im around with them. i feel so loved and appreciated when im with them. they listened to my sorrows and give constructive suggestions and consolation. they love me for who i am !! ^^ TOmorrow is Xiaobao's 18 birthday and im kinda excited hehe. cos we will be going midnight movie tomorrow ! SANCTUM ~ but its kinda stupid la, cos i can make it earlier. just that the speech day thing is ruining my plans. i have to reach school by 5 ! hope it ends earlier hehe. Will update more when i get the pictures from my friends hehe. [: gonna enjoy my bdayyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!! ^^
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It's dawn.

[Apr. 11th, 2011|06:33 am]

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Ok I can't sleep . I woke up at 4 plus and I've trying to get back to sleep but fail. So I decided to wake up and laugh at my sis while she prepare for school. Haha I'm bad but I will joining her v soon. Am going tp on tue from 9-4 for bridging. Though I've been whining bout the timing and stuff, I'm still quite glad that I only have to go to the school for only a day whereas the others have to go back 2 days.

To conclude what I've learn for the past few months of my holiday;
It's good to have holiday. It allows you to take a rest and break free from all the stress and work load in school (except for those who are taking O's and N's) it's kinda a diff story. Teachers make full use of the time to make u come back to school for extra lessons and it's like any other school day. You can go movie and shopping with friends. You don't have to be awaken from the sound of ur alarm clock. However, the sad thing is that you waste ur time, you waste ur life while people are striving for their best. Hm so i would choose to have holiday, but a short one will do..... Luckily ive spent 3-4 months working. Imagine what I'll do at home. Stone, stare into space...

My birthday is coming .... Hm dk how to describe how I feel but I am certainly not looking forward. Anyway, I don't like birthday cakes. I dislike a group of people standing infront of me singing and clapping their hands. It's awkward. For me, in this kind of scenario, I would normally force a smile. I know I'm weird -.-

Went to the zoo on the 5th of April with my friends. It was fun. Really really fun '...

I feel depressed when I have no friends except for my friends in school. It's kinda sad but it's partly my fault la haha. I only accept people I know in msn. And in most cases, people whom I don't really know, I block them in msn. So I only have friends under school pri school working and family. I don't know what I'm talking now but I just want to type..,,

Going back to phss on the 15 of April for speech day. Kinda sian cos that day is von's bday. Speech day is always a spoiler. I remember staying back for speech day rehearsal last year on my bday till 6 and it just ruined the plans I had earlier on ...

I am scared of school, friends, new environment ......... Hope I get along with the people well ......

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just dont know what to say	[Mar. 29th, 2011\|10:46 pm]
Had my class chalet about a week ago and for both nights i was drunk. i had a lil too much and i couldnt hold my liquor well. Ended up causing a nuisance and trouble for my friends who were trying to make me rest. I was half conscious that time. i could still remember what i did and what i've said. But theres something which is still in my heart till now which i really really cant forget. its too much for me and its pushing me so hard that sometimes i really feel like saying out everything. i wont call it unfortunate. i knew it was destined. But why am i always the unlucky one. Sometimes i wonder if the love and care people shower upon you was really from deep down their hearts or were they simply trying to get something out of you and make sure that they will never be the ones who get hurt but you... This is really too much for me since im seriously trying to distant myself from anything and everything and it just simply keep on coming. im trying v hard to control but why are u coming to spoil everything.. spoil everything that was planned ahead of me. just a few days ago, i went to the hospital to visit my uncle. he had his toe amputated cos of diabetes. That was his 4th surgery. I was really disheartened. i could really feel that the people who were in the wards were no longer looking forward to the day they could be discharge. they had already given up on life.. waiting for the day when they would be taken away.. taken away from all the sufferings and pain they have now. I wonder its a good thing a not. there were so many old people and it just made ur eyes teary just by looking at them... i dont think i could be a doc in future. the emotional burden is too much and i just feel so sad looking at them.. ok whatever. i started my bridging on Human Anatomy and Physiology. the terms used are so long and chim ! i should have see it coming....... its not an easy course. but still, im still looking forward. Nights all
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I know no one reads but i dont care	[Mar. 13th, 2011\|05:39 pm]
Im watching My girlfriend is a gumiho and its awesome. It can make you laugh so loud and another moment it can make you cry. Gonna rewatchhhhhhh ! anyway i cant believe i went cycling for 5 hours with my colleagues. we cycle from east coast park to changi village to have our lunch and then back to east coast park. It was seriously torturing. haha the journey was like never ending. but i was glad that i manage to return to bicycle shop without giving up. ok la i admit i have thoughts of giving up but i didnt ok.... My whole heart goes out to Japan. hais,... i think they suffer more lo. as compared to the previuos tsunami incident which happened a few years ago. was is jakarta? i forgot. nevermind. Japan is so rich and the cool gadgets we have are from japan. Nitendo and many more. dont forget HELLO KITTY. & come to tink about it... it happened on friday when i was cycling. now i know why the tides are so strong. i remembered i mention to Qing that its high tide. LOLS. japan may not lose as many lives as compared to the one in indonesia.. but i believe the money they lost is about the same. Pray For Japan ... 8.9 magnitude earthquake which triggered a tsunami. Is this a sign? Is doomsday arriving? please dont cos i still have many things i have not tried. bye off to watch Korean dramas <3
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Carefree	[Mar. 7th, 2011\|06:47 pm]
i quit my job and i am happy. Have been enjoying my drama series since early noon. Before that was doing the poly enrolment stuffs which was really driving me nuts. So many things to do in so little time. Screw it seriously, and the damn clinic is like so damn inefficient. Once i submitted my enrolment package they called and tell me to go over and collect my medical report when i called them in the morning asking if my report was ready to collect and they said no. This is seriously stupid. ahhh nevermind. its over. talking bout dramas, it seems like those who are less scheming and innocent get the better ones. Never doubt... the more i watch dramas the more i feel so lack of love. Somehow, the love you recieved from ur family and friends are of great difference as compared to the kinda love you recieve from ur another half. This is emptines. and i feel it all the time. nah not gonna talk about this anymore. Anyways, im excited bout poly. not really bout the school but what im gonna learn for the next 3 years in poly. This is so dreamy...........
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Why	[Feb. 17th, 2011\|12:45 am]
People come and go in life, so why am i still so bothered about it. Prolly partly because its my dearest grandma who passed away on the day i took my SS O levels paper. Flunked, needless to say. Whenever i see old people in mrt i would give up my seat, and when others dont, i stare at them. thats dumb, but its like courtesy. wont u feel bad sitting on the reserved seat or maybe any other seat seeing one old lady standing infront of you, going to fall anytime? ya you should be. 6th march is my last day. i've typed my letter of resignation. so glad that i am taught formal letters in school and have written tons of them. Now i have less difficulties trying to type out my letter. YAY ! Cheers to dinner with teachers/friends and class chalet!
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YAY or BOO	[Jan. 26th, 2011\|10:13 pm]
Hm, i got posted to Temasek Veterinary Technology which was my first choice all along since sec3 when i was asked to do my target settings and blahblah. BUT i pulled a 180 and put Singapore Poly Biomedical sci which apparently i did not get in because of my cop. WAIT its ONLY A 1point difference. GAH WHATEVER. I looked at the brochures and i googled for both courses and ya, biomed has a brighter future but i think i will fail and be the last in my class for the 3 years cos i didnt take bio in sec school and when i was taught bio in lower sec, i didnt really listen and think it was a joke -.- Seriously, who wouldnt be.. studying body parts like so fun ! Okay back to vet tech. But i am happy that at least i got into the course i always wanted. Didnt expect someone who almost hit 30 points for her prelims to get good grades for O;s YAY. LOLS .... i've been whining bout my job and i seriously decided to quit if constance dont allow me to change to part time after feb. i am seriously tired of facing customers and now.. when theres no customers, u have to act like you are busy. THATS TOUGH. more difficult than peak period. at least you dont have to pretend that you are busy. Yawn zxzx today is so cold. and i am sad. like i've always been....... lonely lonely night.
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